The wagon has lost a wheel

The answer is no, that is not the normal size of my foot. I've often been accused of having feet that can stomp out forest fires, but this as you can obvious see, is not a normal thing. Unfortunately, I sprained an ankle playing tennis yesterday so that should lay me up for a little while from the training regimen - just in time for the holiday season and the evil temptations of holidays goodies. OK, well that's not such a terrible thing after all.

I'm Baaaaaaaaack

It has been a few weeks since my last post, mostly because it has been a few weeks since my last run as I took some time off to rest and go on vacation. A few lessons I've learned since then:

1. Going from nothing to running roughly 30 miles plus 7 tennis matches in 2 weeks? Not good for the body - especially the bodies with the chewy nougat center like mine. Okay, so I got a little carried away with the thought of this marathon thing and tried to get out of the gate quickly. Not the first time I got so overexcited about something that I overdid it, and certainly won't be the last. Problem is, the last time I did that I gained 50 pounds when I discovered the late night drive-thru and the wonders of "4th Meal" from Taco Bell.

2. The first run after taking a few weeks off is like running with a Grand piano on your back. I already run at the pace of a Clydesdale, but today's run felt like I was reduced to "old lady with double hip replacement and a walker" speed.

3. PowerBars (and any "Energy Bar" including but not limited to Clif Bar and Balance Bar) taste like absolute dogshit. They are like munching on a cereal box without the lovely sugar coated cereal as part of the equation. While on vacation I tried to eat a few of these things and quickly returned to the trough. Whoever invented these things was clearly not a restaurateur (but was a very savvy marketer). No wonder most runners are so skinny....if I had to eat these things regularly as opposed to regular human food, I'd probably just not eat...or just choose to gnaw my own fingers off as an alternative.

And while we're on this subject, what's the f'in point of the Snickers Marathon Bar? Might as well reach for the Reese's instead at half the cost and equal the amount of calories, fat and sugar. I laugh at those folks that think they are "health food" and eat them as a snack or even as a meal replacement. And to those folks I say, "I've got some ocean front property in Arizona to sell you. And if you'll buy that I'll throw the Golden Gate in free."

I'm am thinking that I don't like this any longer.......

I have run more in the past two weeks than probably the last two years, and now that I am not young and invincible anymore (the premature greying IS actually starting to show my age) I have been sore, sore, sore. Back, legs, everything - I think my feet have actually grown a shoe size because they now feel like they are about to pop out of the soles.

And, this running thing has screwed up the one piece of my exercise regimen that I do really care about - tennis. I've noticed in these two weeks that I am moving slower, my shots aren't as crisp. It's down right pissing me off. Probably didn't help that I piled 4 matches into a week on top of my running regimen.

And it has ruined my appetite. I actually found myself shying away from a hamburger in exchange for a salad one day. And I didn't finish that salad. What the hell is wrong with me? I used to enjoy so many wonderful things that were fried, smothered, covered and most importantly did not come from the ground or grow on some kind of shrubbery. I haven't been to fast food in a few weeks for anything but coffee. I've lost a taste for all things that I enjoy.

And (oh I'm not done), to top it all off I came down with some kind of bug yesterday. Is it me, or is this something that happens to all regular serious (AKA crazy) runners? There is one guy I work with (who shall remain nameless, but his first name rhymes with "Peeve" - which is exactly what this running thing has become) that seems to get sick all of the time. This is a guy that I am convinced that if he missed a flight in his hometown, that he would run to the next airport -one and a half hours away - to catch his flight. He's that serious about his running. As the healthiest unhealthy guy I know, he always has something.

OK - I'll get off my ass, stop procrastinating and stop complaining. It's time for a run. :)

Week 1 Summary / Mapping out a Regular Training Regimen

Days I ran - 4
Total miles I ran - 12
Average mile time - about 40 minutes (per mile, not total running time)
Times chafed - 1 (unfortunately, that's what happens when two tree trunks rub together at rapid rates)

OK, so chafing aside, a good start to the training. Next step for me is to map out a more definitive training plan because right now I am pretty much winging it and running at the local middle school track.

I have been looking at all of these different training plans online, but the problem is that most of them either assume that you have actually been doing some running for the past few months and not sitting on your ass eating bon bons, or they cost money. For the record, I have pretty much been sitting on my couch eating bon bons, and I am too cheap to pay for someone telling me how much I need to run. Although, if I do win the lottery one day I am going to splurge and hire someone to chase me with the car and yank that hamburger out of my hands - just like Oprah!

For now, I think I'll just stick with my 3-4 mile jaunts until I figure out which race to run, and then I can better time my training around that date.

Herbie the Unmerciful.....

I love my animals and am not an advocate of harming any of God's creatures, but tonight was was almost one of those evenings where I rethought my position. With the alarm all set to wake me up for my AM run, at roughly 2AM Herbie the cat decided that he hadn't received enough attention that day. ....and proceeded to keep me up for the rest of the morning, so I am running on empty today and am running late for my exercise this morning. I think I said something along the lines of "the next time you do this, I am turning your paws into lucky charm keychains....". Then, I get up to go throw on my shoes, and that little shit has knawed through yet another pair of my nice orange shoe laces. Not a good start to the training regimen.

Note added on 12/2/08 - Herbie has since let me know that he thinks orange shoe laces make a very bad fashion statement, and has proceded to demolish 4 more sets of them. White shoe laces? Untouched. Sorry ING - white shoelaces it is. Take it up with the furball.

An introduction............

I just came home from the ING New York City Marathon feeling uninspired. I have to imagine that I was in the minority of the 39K+ runners and over 2 million spectators that witnessed the race.

Here I am at one of the world's largest Marathons and all of these people are making the accomplishment of a lifetime, and I yawn. It is just another day to me. It sounds insensitive, I know, but Marathoning has just gone so mainstream that it is old news. Some people run for health. Some people run for this cause or that cause, or has a story about how they are running for their mother's brother's cousin's neighbor's former roommate that has cancer. Some people actually run for fun - and to those I say, please do yourself a favor and buy yourself an animal or an X-Box if you actually think this is fun.

Don't get me wrong, because I love what I do. This is the 6th long distance running event I have been to this year as an employee of the sponsorship department at ING (the large financial institution, and not to be confused with IMG, AIG, KEG, or any other company that ends in a "G"). ING is one of the foremost sponsors "of runners everywhere" and of course, the title sponsor of the ING New York City Marathon.

Needless to say, as part of my job I hang out with a lot of runners and people in the running industry. My bosses are runners. My coworkers are runners. They all talk about the latest running gear and the newest Orange Yogurt flavor of PowerBar, blah blah frickin blah.

I am definitely NOT a runner. While other people like to get up at 5AM and run 5 miles, my preference is to sleep in or to "run" to Chick-fil-A or McDonald's. And usually in meetings, I weigh more than any two people in the room combined. So what the hell am I doing at a company that practically lives and breathes running? I'd say it is because I am smart and good at sponsorship marketing, but then again I was one of the ones who tested the banana peel on the kitchen floor and the stepping on the rake trick from the Looney Tunes cartoons as a kid (for your reference - yes, you do slip on the peel and yes, the rake does hurt when it smacks you between the eyes).

So I get up yesterday and decided I was going to train for and run a Marathon. I am not the healthiest person in the world, but I am not running for health - and if you have seen me, then you know exactly what I am talking about. I am not running for a cause because all of those are taken. And I am almost assuredly not running for fun.

I am running because I see it as a very sick and painful game. When I say I am going to run a Marathon, I see people snicker. They don't think I can do it. Frankly, I am only half serious myself. But I AM going to do it - mostly as a big "Your Number One" to all of those snickering doubters. No offense to those that might be reading this - I mean that in the most lighthearted way possible. My hope is that you'll enjoy one fat man's journey from the couch of his living room to the crossing of the finish line of his very first Marathon.

I don't know where or when yet (I'll fill you in when I get there), but if anyone has some cool weather, flat terrain options of Marathons to look at - preferably one with a good bus/subway system to get me to the finish line just in case - I am all ears!